Sorry for the brief report, but I’ve been intoxicated for the last week celebrating the USA Women’s FIFA win over the Dutch and this is the best I could do.

Birdie Pool notes:

Mike L., Phil S. and Luis each grabbed a birdie this week.

Ian expressed dismay that his week 11 gross score of 37 was not enough to beat his opponent. After extensive Drunk History research I located at least 10 other instances where a gross score of 37 and less was still humiliated by an opponent. Most recently, was last years playoffs involving 2 guys named Kevin; I think you know who we’re talking about, and the gross was a 33….f-eBag rides again.

Check the scores and points and memorize at least one obscure players handicap as well as your own for this week’s matches.

Yours Truly,

Rusty and Luke, 

ps-Luke and I go head to head this week. The winner gets to enforce one additional weird rule of golf for the rest of the season.

Well, It’s getting down to a 2 horse race at the top of the League:  Ron and Ian and Tony and Luis are only 2 points apart as we wind down the Initial Competition of finding the League Champions. Kevin and Russ are lurking nearby, but unless they go 80-0 over the next 2 weeks it is most likely over for them.

It is often said that less is more so I’ll be signing this note off as Les Moore.

Ian and Kevin R. each got another Birdie. Ian leads the Pool with 5 and the also rans are stuck at 3. Step it up campers…

The most exciting thing that happened in week 13 was Ryan Open Mouth Insert Foot Farrell subbed in for Luke Dengue Fever Alves. He brought the written and the verbal banter reminiscent of his Member Days in our League. Jenna warned him that engaging Rusty Potty-Mouth Burdick was a bad life choice, but he just couldn’t control himself. The highlight, if you can call it that, was on the par 4 number 13th hole: 1st shot all you got and then a difficult 2nd shot over water and/or hill and dale to a green recently protected by a red-tailed hawk(s). Tee shots were issued and Ryan Weak Hitter Farrell was first to play his 2nd shot. He pulled out a 3 wood, “Rusty, hold my beer”, and deftly faded that bad boy over the water and onto our green settling nicely 20 feet professionally below the hole. I honestly can’t remember a better approach shot during my years in the league. Well done indeed Ryan. I proceeded to dub my 2nd shot just over the cart path and onto the severe slope of the bank on the right. Next shot was toward the green, but long. Kevin and Jenna were playing too, but my focus was laser-like on Ryan…and a hawk that had not moved from 3 feet off the green between the green and the pond. We had seen it during or 2nd shots and I thought it rather odd that it remained on the ground for so long. Was it hurt? Didn’t seem to be. When we approached I was able to see that it had killed a muskrat and was trying to decide whether to eat it whole or fly off with it. Turns out he couldn’t do either one. As we got onto the green and Ryan wimped his first putt about 10 feet another hawk flew out of the trees and hit the first hawk knocking him off the prize muskrat. As the first hawk recovered his senses about 10 feet away a 3rd hawk came at him and a small tussle ensued with one of them flying off and the victor eyeing the hawk with the muskrat still on the ground. Ryan, visibly shaken by this nature encounter, asked if we could skip this hole and return on Thursday to finish it instead. My response was “we’re settling this now you milk-toasty, carrot-topped SOB”. I popped a mediocre chip out of the cabbage and had 15 feet remaining. I then nudged a putt to about 2 feet with a tricky left to righter. Ryan obviously upset by the death of the muskrat then wobbled his 2nd putt that finally rested 2 feet above the hole. He looked at me anticipating a “good-good” proposition. At a loss for words I did mutter to Kevin, “no way I’m giving him that” and then announced “You’re going to need to putt that”. Ryan cockily stated, “If that’s how you want it, I’ll just drop this and you with a single stroke of this putter”. He then hit it too hard and lipped it out about 4 feet from the hole. “Pick that piece of shit up for what, a 6”? I then slide mine in for a 6 and split the hole. 

Ryan did recover on the next hole with a par, but the mental damage was already done. Final score: Rusty 14 Ryan 6. There were 2 others playing the match but I don’t have the time or the words to professionally describe how Kevin beat Jenna 12-8.

So, check the standings and the matchups for week 14. Only 2 weeks left of Regular Competition and then the playoffs.

Respectfully submitted,

Rusty and Subbing for Luke Ryan “I hate Rusty” Farrell